right down to business i suppose. today was a long, busy day. i started off the day by waking up and immediatly calling my doctor, getting an appointment for 11 30 am, hopping in the shower and running out the door. i waited for about half an hour for a 5 minute appointment, only to be told that i have double ear infections, which i already knew. got a prescription for antibiotics. i drove home in a stupor, exhausted from being up so late in pain from my ears, and crashed. i only got to sleep about 15 minutes before brittany was here to pick me up for my second appointment of the day. my consultation with the gastroenterologist. it went well, overall. the most notable thing he found was that i have a heart murmur, which is news to me, though not all too suprising.he clearly knew nothing about eating disorders, and in the end suggested i try exercising daily,that it may help me deal with the other "feelings." i wanted to laugh at this point. how to explain to a 65 year old man that i DO exercise daily, often burning far more calories than i consumed that day. he then drove my point of his lack of knowladge home by telling me he felt bulimia was "far more normal" than anorexia, and that anorexics are" sicker". okay...so let me get this straight? because im not 95 pounds, im not sick? okay. so im sitting in your office why? he made a few comments on how i seemed cold [it was 65 degrees and i was wearing a tank top, a long sleeve shirt and an oversized sweatshirt, with jeans. and i was FREEZING. my hands were purple and ice cold.] and did i get cold "often?" he aske dme if i had lost a lot of weight recently, and how much, over what time period, and did i think the bulimia had to do with it? i told him the weight loss wasnt from the purging, it was from the fact that i purge everything i eat usually, which is significantly under a normalamount of food.he still didnt get it, i think he is under the impression that im throwing up involentarily, as well as the bulimia.silly old men. i left with another appointment for a upper endoscopy on may 18th.
on the way home, brittany stopped at mcdonalds, and while she gorged on chicken selects and fries, i munched a side salad, which was lettuce, 2 cherry tomatoes and some carrot shavings. to be on the safe side i would put it as [total-65]
i did manage to go grocery shopping, and spent my usual hour walking up and down the aisles, checking nutritional information, picking up and putting down. managed to avoid buying binge food [hooray!] and left with only what i intended to buy.
these are the goods-
what yummy treats did i buy?
- Dannon lite and fit yogurt- vanilla flavored, and only 45 cals. each. [i usually dont even like yogurt, but iv been craving it, its filling, and its low cal. as well as low fat. i sure was happy to see "no sugar added"! i put 2 in the fridge, and 2 in the freezer for some yummy frozen yogurt!
- Organic Red Delicious apples.
- a big, shiny Red Bell Pepper!
- a Cucumber [of course!]
- Grapes! popped those babies right in the freezer when i got home!
- boring old Iceburg Lettuce.
- Lite Air Popped Popcorn! i just can not get enough of this stuff! at 22 cals. a cups, its a perfect snack!
after i went grocery shopping i ate up some popcorn [total- 60] and then i hit up the gym for a good 2 1/2 hour workout. when i got there, my usual routine was unexpectedly changed by the fact that there were no exercise bikes open! oh no! i told my OCD to take a back seat, and hopped on the elliptical for 25 minutes, burning 100 calories. a bike opened up while i was jamming out to some A*Teens, and i was able to cycle to my hearts content, which was acheived half an episode of "Mystery Diagnosis", 6 miles, and 217 calories later. I then hit the weights, which is both my favorite, and most dreaded time at the gym. i love feeling all my muscles being worked, but i hate how out of control i get. the second i hit those machines, i can not get enough. i do rep after rep, never feeling like im done, never feeling fully satisfied with my workout. ah well. after doing my usual weight routine, [which involves making a stop at each machine to work my legs, abs, back and sides, as well as a few to work my upper arms [i try to do less weight training on my arms, because i feel they are getting too bulky, so i now do 3 different machines, more reps at less weight. instead of going all out]], i finished up doing floor exercises. 200 crunches, switching positions every 25, some stretches, and some leg lifts. overall i feel okay about my workout today, but im not sore...so i feel like i could have done more. it was getting late though, i didnt get home until past 9, and my ears were starting to hurt again.
i came home, tidied up the apartment, changed into my jammies and put away my groceries. then i had this yummy snack-
a bottle of water, one of my new yummy yogurts, and 2 cut up grapes mixed in, with my antibiotic on the side! the picture isnt great, [im new to this pictures of food thing!] but the snack was YUMMMMMMY! i also had half a cup of my air popped popcorn, but frankly the photo didnt come out well at all!
[total- 60 cals.]
i video chatted with jess for awhile while eating my snack. it really just made me miss her more. seeing her expressions, her scrunchy nose face. i kept wanting to blow her kisses and tell her i love her.
something new and scary happened today. actually while i was at the doctor. if your easily grossed out, stop reading now!!! but anyway...i normally have a very hard time ...ya know, going. to the ahem, bathroom. maybe one a week if im super lucky. and that one time takes some serious friggin effort. but today there was a huge streak of BLOOD...in my...business. nothing hurt, and there was no blood onthe toilet paper, meaning the blood came from inside, not outside. which scares the SHIT out of me.
no pun intended.
now it is almost midnight and i am getting slleeeeeppyyy! thank goodness idont have to work until noon tomorrow.
off to catch some z's!
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