today i had to work. well, i guess since its 4 am, i mean yesterday i had to work. basic stuff, nothing fancy. cleaned the kitchen, assembled some ingredients for pizzas and cupcakes, made some calzones and some chicken parm. we rushed to weymouth around noon to deliver food for a teacher luncheon, and then stopped at hannafords to pick up last minute things for the birthday party at 6. when tara got back to the car with anna, [i stayed in the car], she brought lunch. all the sudden she hands me a turkey sandwich on this crusty roll. and im like..fuck. what the HELL am i supposed to do with this?! so i s l o w l y picked it to death. it wasnt great...i was upset about it, and miserable, because i hate that i keep being forced to eat. i didnt know what to do. it was obvious i hadnt eaten yet, so i had no excuse. so i ate it. and ruined my fast. again.

i also didnt get to go to the gym, because i didnt have a long enough break, and didnt want to drive all over because my car is shitttttt. so i had all this food in me...and no way to get it out.

we got back and i cleaned the kitchen top to bottom to get ready for the birthday party. then i went on break, and went to the mall. i got 2 shirts and a pair of jeans, and had an allergy attack. by the time i got BACK to work again, it was in full swing. sneezing every 2 minutes, red, watery eyes, nose like a faucet. fucking gross. miserable. it felt like someone was stabbing me behind the eyes with a knife, from the pressure in my head. i took some claritin, and went back to work. allergies continued, so i took some benadryl. an hour later, no relief. no benadryl. still no relief. i just dealt with it at that point.

the party we hosted was good, we taught nine 11 year old girls how to make pizza, calzones and stromboli, and sour cream cupcakes with buttercream frosting. while the pizza was cooking, they decorated the cupcakes with candy. and they ate the majority of the frosting, and the candy before it made it on the cupcakes. 11 year old girls are wild. and obnoxious. and worse when they are sugar high, let me tell you. when i took the cupcakes out, apparently i was in a bit of a benadryl stupor, because i didnt feel my arm on the over rack, and got a nice big burn. not cool. i also ate 2 cupcakes. i felt kind of sick after, truthfully, but...they did taste good. i dont feel like i lost control and binged, and i didnt purge. i wish i had not eaten any, but i did. thats normal. its normal to eat a treat sometimes, if you want it.

when i got home, i was wired from all the meds in my system. i got ready for bed, and got online for a little bit. around midnight i decided to get some rest since i had a busy day ahead of me. unfortunately, my nose was running down my face at this point, and was red and raw from blowing it so much. sleep wasnt happening. i did fall asleep around 12 30, but woke up at 3. and i have been up since. around 3 30 i started having INTENSE stomach cramps, and that led to me running into the bathroom and spending the next 15 minutes on the toilet. back to bed, and repeat. and again. maybe the cupcakes didnt agree with me? not sure. i also took another claritin and some sudafed. maybe iv overdsed on antihistamine now, and thats why im stomach is rebelling into the fucking toilet.

i cant go back to sleep. iv been up for hours now, and im SO BORED! there is nothing to do, and im going to be exhausted all day at pride, but notihng is working to get back to sleep. iv tried counting backwards, laying in different positions... my mind just wont shut off, and relax. and i have no more benadryl so i cant have a nice coma.