why am i FAILING so much?

after 2 days of fasting, i keep fucking up. i just ate a soft serve icecream [170], a handful of peanuts [???], an apple [80], 4 cucumber slices [2?], and like, 15 pieces of popcorn [8?].

then i sat down on my bed and realized i wanted tuna. so i used a knife to stab open a can, because i have no can opener, and ate that. [125]

then i guzzled water and threw up.

fml.

total- >500 for the day, and i burned way more than that at the gym and running, but thats so MUCH! in like, less than an hour. definately a mini binge.ugh. i dont know how many calories actually were absorbed. but im going to put it at 500 because i would rather exagerate an estimate.

this isnt helping me lose weight. its just fucking up my metabolism. i have been stuck between 176 and 179 for EVER. ill get down to 176 fasting, and then ill fuck up and eat. i need to STOP fasting, and pick a number and eat that everyday. like...150. i like 150 a lot lately. 150 calories a day, starting monday. because im going to finish this week like i planned if it kills me. im going to fast tomorrow. and saturday and sunday. and monday i will start on 150. i dont know what i will eat though. ill figure something out. and i will keep going to the gym everyday.